For Blue Skies
by Skinny P. Sawyer
Summary: After visiting Lucas in the hospital after his heart attack, Peyton feels like no one can get close to her without something bad happening. She's depressed and, with no one to talk to, she goes home and attempts to kill herself. Warning: drug use and attempted suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:I don't own any material from One Tree Hill. **

**Summary: **

**After visiting Lucas in the hospital after his heart attack, Peyton feels like no one can get close to her without something bad happening. She's depressed and, with no one to talk to, she goes home and attempts to kill herself.**

* * *

**_For Blue Skies_**

Peyton sat quietly beside Lucas, watching him, hoping that somehow the music she was playing for him would save him. She hated being here in this hospital, it was where her mom had died, where she'd spent three days recovering from being shot, where so many peoples lives were shattered, where an entire family's future could be forever changed by a simple mistake.

As fresh tears welled in her eyes, Peyton knew she couldn't stay much longer. "I'm sorry, Lucas. I'm so sorry." Peyton whispered to him as she took her iPod back. "I'd tell you I love you, but my 'I love you's send people to their graves." Peyton felt her head spin and her breath catch in her throat as she said goodbye. She was beginning to feel physically ill, and couldn't stand seeing Lucas in this state any longer. She turned on her heel and ran out of the hospital.

She took the long way home, tears rushing down her cheeks as thoughts whirled in her head. She thought about all the people in her life that had bad things happen to them, and about how many people had left her.

"It my fault," she wailed to herself as she sped down the back roads of Tree Hill, "But it's not fair!" She was overwhelmed and stressed. She felt like she was going to explode. Her mind was whirling at a hundred miles an hour, and she couldn't see a happy ending, only blackness, despair, tragedy, and sadness.

Peyton's tears came faster as she came to a realization:

_*It must be me. I'm the reason people always leave. I drive them away, I cause it. Theres something wrong with me, I'm bad luck and I can't hurt people anymore.*_

Peyton knew what she had to do: There was a cocaine vile she still had hidden in her closet. She'd flushed most of it down the toilet, but she still had just enough to try.

Peyton sped home and immediately ran up the stairs. She brought the vile into her bathroom and emptied it onto a CD, like she'd done after formal a while ago, but this time, she poured it all, and she wasn't going to stop. Little did she know, Brooke had seen her rushed departure from the hospital, known something was up, and followed her home.

With tears still rushing down her face, Peyton straightened the line of deadly white powder and picked up a rolled up dollar bill. Her hand shook as she positioned the make-shift straw between her nose and the line. She took a deep breath and snorted it as fast as she could. She wasn't very experienced with it and gagged at the unpleasant feeling in her nose and throat. She was amazed at how fast the effects were coming on. Her whole body began to shake and her mind and heart raced as she tried to steady herself by clinging to the sink. At first she felt giddy, but suddenly out of nowhere, everything went blank.

The sun was starting to set as Brooke pulled up to the curb in front of Peyton's house, she nervously headed up the porch. She glared at the handle for a minute while she contemplated how she was going to handle whatever state she found Peyton in. Should she knock? Peyton never answered anyway, so she may as well just go in.

She slowly opened the door and called for her best friend of over 10 years:

"Peyton? Hey P. can we talk? P. Sawyer, I know you're here!" Brooke ventured into the Sawyer house, and looked curiously around. None of the lights were on upstairs, and there was no music playing from Peyton's room. Brooke began slowly up the stairs, wondering if Peyton had gone on a walk or something. Her car was out front, so she had to have been here since leaving the hospital.

Brooke checked Peyton's room and her closet, finding no sign of her best friend. As she exited the red room, she noticed that the bathroom door was closed, and no light shone under the door. It was unusual for her best friend to leave the door closed unless she was in there.

Brooke lightly knocked on the door, hoping that she would find Peyton safe within.

"Peyton? Are you in here? C'mon, open up!"

She turned the handle and gently pushed against the door. The door only opened an inch, blocked by whatever was behind it. Brooke gasped when she noticed a lock of blonde hair sticking out from behind the door. She pushed at the door with all her might as tears started welling in her eyes.

"Get up! Let me in, get up! Peyton, oh my God!"

Brooke's mind was racing with the possibilities of the state her friend was in. She thought about if Peyton had been sick, or fallen asleep, or the worst: if Peyton had tried to commit suicide.

Once the door was wide open enough for her to squeeze in, she rushed to Peyton's side. The sight she found made her sick.

Peyton was lying collapsed on her side, her eyes only half closed. Her mouth was covered in vomit, and her face was going pale. She had blood in her hair and all over her forehead from a cut, most likely, Brooke thought, from falling and hitting her head on the bathtub. Her nose was bleeding, and there was a bit of white powder being washed away from the blood.

Brooke knew she had to put aside her panic and act fast for her friend. She grabbed her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed 911 with one hand as she felt for a pulse with the other. All she felt was a weak, quick, uneven pattern.

"Hello, 911. What is your emergency?" A lazy sounding operator answered after five rings. They seemed careless, and Brooke's anxiety was majorly increased.

"I need help right now! My best friend is dying! 1901 Market Street!"

"Help is on the way right now, can you tell me what happened?" The bored operator now was alert, her voice clearer and more serious.

"Oh God, I don't even know! I think she overdosed on cocaine! I-I don't think it was an accident, either. She's not a junkie, please help-" Brooke was overcome with sobs as she held her best friend. She could already hear sirens in the distance, but she wanted and needed them to help now.

"What condition is she in, Sweetie? Stay on the line with me until the ambulance comes, okay?"

"S-she's passed out and she's got throw up all over h-her. Her nose is bleeding really badly. She's really really h-hot."

"Is she breathing? Clear her airway if you can. She may be overheating from the drug, so try to cool her off somehow."

"She's breathing, but barely. She was on her side, so her mouth is clear." With tears dripping down her face and into Peyton, Brooke took a wad of toilet paper and wiped Peyton's face clean. "C'mon, P. Sawyer. Stay with me,

I need you." She then took another wad of toilet paper and wet it in the sink to put on Peyton's forehead. It quickly turned red from the cut.

Brooke heard the paramedics arrive and yelled for them to find them in the bathroom. She clung to Peyton's limp body as the paramedics surrounded them. She sobbed harder as they tore Peyton away from her, reaching for the skinny blonde as she sat against the sink, too overwhelmed to get her ass in gear and follow them.

Once the paramedics were out of the bathroom with Peyton, a male police officer with coffee-colored hair and a mustache entered and crouched beside Brooke.

"Ma'am I understand that you're extremely overwhelmed, but would you like to go to the hospital to be there for your friend? They're going to need more info from you. Do you know any of her personal information?"

"I know everything about her... She's my best friend." Brooke whimpered, staring blankly at where Peyton had disappeared down the stairs.

The trip to the hospital in the front of the officer's car was a blur. Brooke couldn't tell if the ride was only a few minutes, or a few hours. She felt sick, anxious, terrified, angry, and sad all at the same time. She had no idea that the words she'd used as a stupid joke to hurt Peyton's feelings just yesterday were the words that had been ringing in her best friend's mind as she tried to take her own life.

Brooke recalled how she'd once promised Peyton that she'd never let any guy come between their relationship, and she realized that she'd broken that promise. She hated herself for not being there for Peyton and for not spending precious time with her because of stupid, pointless high school drama.

Peyton had hurt her when she'd gone behind her back with Lucas, but Brooke had done worse at a party once with Nathan. Brooke realized how unfair she'd been, and resolved right then and there that she was never going to be so hypocritical again, and that she would never treat Peyton so horribly again.

The police officer led Brooke into the hospital and up to the front desk. Brooke gave them Larry Sawyer's phone number, but told them that he was unlikely to be available. The woman at the front desk handed Brooke some forms to fill out for Peyton and told her to skip anything she didn't know. They still had records from when Peyton had been there after the school shooting, so these forms were short and simple. Things that Brooke would know.

"Brooke Davis?" Brooke, who had been sitting in the waiting room, crying, for an hour jumped at the sound of the doctor's voice and stood anxiously.

"Y-yes? Is my friend okay?" She asked timidly.

"Listen, Miss Davis," the doctor began, "Miss Sawyer took a very high dosage of cocaine, and it was very difficult to stabilize her. We did our best, but it isn't so easy. We had to use ice water to bring down her temperature and she still has several ice packs on her to keep it down, and we gave her something to regulate her heartbeat. Your friend is currently unconscious, and she's on a ventilator. There's not much we can do for her at this point, and it's really up to her when or if she wakes up. She's extremely lucky you got to her when you did. Another minute and she would've been dead."

"Really?"

"They lost her once when they were in the ambulance. The paramedic said her heart stopped for a whole three minutes before they could get it working again."

"Oh my God. Can I see her? Please sir?"

"Yes, right this way, ma'am."

The doctor led Brooke down a long hallway, past many rooms, including Lucas's, to Peyton's." Once inside, the doctor left Brooke alone with the still form of her best friend. She broke down, falling into a chair at Peyton's bedside.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, tears already rushing down her cheeks, "Peyton, I am so, so sorry. I should've been there for you, I shouldn't have cut you out! I need you to be okay, because I'll never forgive myself if you aren't. You've been on the verge of death twice this year, and both times I could've prevented it! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry-sorry-sorry." Brooke's sobs broke her speech. She was devastated and felt guilty. It was so hard for her to see her best friend like this.

The ventilator was just like the ones on TV, and it scared Brooke, knowing that it was there basically to keep Peyton alive. Peyton was lying still on the bed, a hospital gown and large, blue ice packs covered her skinny torso, and were visible beneath the thin white sheet that covered her. Brooke hated seeing her this way. Brooke's thoughts suddenly flew to Lucas.

Brooke knew that if Peyton hadn't been so upset, she would be sleeping in the chair beside Lucas's bed, waiting for him to wake up. Soon, it would be Lucas waiting for Peyton to wake up. Brooke just wanted them both to be alive and well. She wanted everyone and everything to be okay. Brooke's phone started ringing, breaking the monotony of the heart monitor beeps and sucking sound of the ventilator.

"Hello?" Brooke sighed into the phone without bothering to check who it was. She was physically and mentally drained from the events of the last few hours, and just wanted to sit peacefully with her friend.

"Brooke, Lucas is awake. I'm sorry, I couldn't reach Peyton. He keeps asking for her, and I was wondering if you could get a hold of her?" It was Karen. Brooke's heart dropped into her stomach; how was she supposed to break this to Karen? To Lucas? To all their friends?

"Ah, actually um, I'm with her now. Could you come to room 405?"

"What? What happened, Brooke?"

"Just come here please." With a shaky hand, Brooke hung up. She was terrified of explaining this to Karen. Only a minute passed before Karen was there.

"Brooke what's-" Karen stopped in the doorway, staring wide-eyed at the skinny blonde lying in the bed. "What on earth?"

"Peyton overdosed on cocaine" Was all Brooke could say. Karen walked quickly across the room and brought Brooke into her arms. Together they cried for a good 10 minutes before sitting down to talk once more.

"Brooke, what happened? I didn't know she did this."

"She got it from that Rick guy from the club. She didn't do it again until tonight, I don't think."

"Oh my God. Why would she be so stupid?!"

"I think- I think she might have done it on purpose…" Brooke trailed off, afraid to say the word that was ringing in her mind.

"But why?"

"She's been so stressed lately- oh Karen it's all my fault! I let Lucas come between us, and she just found out about Nathan. I'm such a hypocrite, I haven't been there for anything, and she's really been needing me. I was so horrible to her. Karen, you have no idea how horrible I feel about this. She needed me and I shut her out."

"Brooke, honey it's not your fault-"

"Yes it is! I told her that her I love you's send people to their graves! I told her that people who loved her were probably going to die! I'm such a bad person, I can't even-"

"Brooke, calm down. All that matters is that you're here for her now." Karen placed her hands on Brooke's shoulders and looked into her hazel eyes. "Listen to me: Peyton really really needs you right now. You need to put the past behind you for a little while and just be here for her. I know it's going to be really hard, but Brooke, I know you can do it. Peyton is your best friend, I know you love her and she loves you too. Maybe you both said and did hurtful things, but that's just life. People make mistakes, and life is just too short to hold on to mistakes."

"You're right, Karen. Thank you." Brooke collapsed back into the chair, and rubbed her hands over her face. "Ugh, what are you going to tell Lucas? I know if you tell him he's going to demand to come see her…"

"Yes, And it's too late to try and hide it from him, he knows something's going on. He heard my side of the phone call, and I sounded more than startled."

"I guess you're going to have to tell him the truth sometime soon. I know it'll crush him to think Peyton avoiding him. Poor thing," Brooke sighed and stroked Peyton's hair. The nurses had had to clean the blood out of it, so now it had dried into it's pretty natural pin curls. "She hates hospital so much. It's hard for her, you know?" Brooke continued an even stroking patters on Peyton hair.

Karen pulled up a chair beside Brooke:

"Brooke, I know it's not exactly my business, but what was that like? I mean, I've heard her mention having to eat hospital meals while her mom was in here. Was it fast, or did it take a few days?"

"It was three days. Peyton and Larry stayed by Anna's side for three whole days before they had to pull the plug. After that, Peyton was a mess. I must've slept over with her for a week, and after that I came by every single day. I was so worried about her, and sometimes I still am. She and her mom were so close, and she was so heartbroken and alone. It's been more than eight years, but I know she still cries sometimes. She's always been so strong, but it's like life just hates her. Now, sitting here thinking about it, I've only made that worse."

"Now, now, Brooke. Don't go making yourself feel bad. Just focus on now. You can make it up to her."

"Thank you Karen, for talking with me."

"Of course, Brooke! I'm here for you and Peyton whenever either of you or both of you need me. Now I better get back to Lucas, and I'm sure he'll be interrogating me."

"Good luck!" Brooke said sarcastically. She smiled and waved as Karen slipped out the door and headed back to Luke's room.

It had only been about fifteen minutes when Karen showed up again, this time pushing a tired looking Lucas in a wheelchair. When he saw his sleeping girlfriend, he immediately broke down. Karen and Brooke made eye contact, and as Karen parked Lucas close to Peyton, she beckoned for Brooke to follow her out to give him a few minutes. Brooke went outside to call Nathan and Haley, while Karen tried to get a hold of Larry.

"Oh Peyton-" he choked out as he took her small hand in both of his. He kissed her knuckles gently, smiling slightly as he ran his fingers over the bump in her hand from sophomore year when she'd been angry at Nathan and punched something too hard, breaking one of her right hand knuckles.

"I love you, baby. I just got you back, why'd you have to do this to yourself? Please just open those pretty green eyes." He leaned down and rested his head on the bed. He brought her hand to his lips once more and just laid there starring up ant her. He waited until Brooke and Karen got back.

They only gave him five minutes. Having just woken up from the aftermath of a heart attack, Karen didn't want him being alone for long. They also had to let Lucas know that Nathan was coming. Even though it was getting late, Nathan had told Brooke that he'd be there as soon as possible. Peyton wasn't just his ex girlfriend, she was one of his best friends, and it broke his heart that she'd felt so low that she'd turned to drugs and purposefully overdosed.

Nathan got there so fast, Brooke wondered if he'd broken a few laws on the way. He rushed in and took a seat on the other side of the bed and took her free hand.

"What are we gonna do with you, Peyt? Sorry, I know you hate when I call you that." He chucked humorlessly. "What on earth were you thinking?"

"I was wondering that myself." Brooke sighed, standing behind Nathan and squeezing his shoulder. "Why isn't Haley here?"

"She's still pretty beat up. She's exhausted from going to see Luke earlier."

"So? Lucas is not Peyton."

"I'm sorry, Brooke. She just wasn't up to it. Maybe tomorrow.

"She still shoulda come." Brooke stated bitterly.

They all sat around Peyton's bed and talked for a while. Eventually Nathan decided to head home, and Karen insisted on taking Lucas back to sleep in his own room, since he kept falling asleep leaning on Peyton's bed.

Once they were all gone, Brooke was alone with Peyton. The nurses eventually came and checked up on Peyton. They checked her temperature, blood pressure, and other vitals, and removed the ice packs. A doctor came in and checked on her as well:

"Brooke, your friend is extremely lucky. Her temperature had already been brought down to almost normal, and her heart rate has slowed considerably. She should be awake within the next few hours, most likely between morning and mid-afternoon. You can get some rest if you want."

"What about the ventilator? Can she breathe on her own?"

"I think we should wait till she wakes up to see. It's getting late and you need rest so that you can be alert for her tomorrow. It won't hurt to leave it in, I promise."

"Okay. Thank you, sir."

"Now get some rest, Brooke."

After the doctor had left, Brooke sat in the recliner just staring at Peyton. She just wanted her best friend back. After about five minutes, Brooke laid down I. The recliner and tried to fall asleep.

Brooke was awoken early the next morning by a choking sound. She immediately leaped up and ran to her best friend'd bedside. Peyton's eyes were squeezed shut, and she seemed to be trying to breathe on her own.

"Someone help! She's trying to breathe!" Brooke shouted out the door before returning to Peyton's side once more. Her doctor was there in seconds. Luckily he'd been standing at the nurses station making early morning small talk, and was available to help her.

"Alright, Peyton. Listen to me," he said as he took hold of the tube that was down her throat. "Calm down, can you open your eyes for me?"

Peyton's eyes just barely squinted up at him before she shut them tight once more.

"Okay, good girl. On the count of three I want you to cough as hard as you can, okay? One, two, three!"

Brooke winced as she heard the loud, horrible, scratchy coughs that came from her friend as the tube was pulled out of her throat. Peyton had tears running out of the corners of her eyes by the time it was over.

"Peyton? Hey honey. Can you open your eyes? It's me, Brooke." Brooke gently wiped the tears away and smoothed her hair. Once again, Peyton just barely opened her eyes before shutting them once more. Brooke glanced up at the doctor, eyebrows raised, ready for more information Peyton's well being.

"Alright! It's great that she's already awake. She's going to have a sore throat from the tube for a day or so, it may be difficult for her to speak because of it for now. Last night when we were working on her, we found that she had a grade 3 concussion from the fall, so she's going to have a pretty bad headache for a while. Other than that, she should be just fine! We'll keep her probably for two more days, plus or minus one, depending on how she does. I think she will do great."

"Thank you doctor. Could you do me a huge favor and let Lucas and Karen know that she's awake? They're room 401"

"I think I can do that," the doctor said with a smile, "I'll send them in. I'll be back to check on her in a few hours, just call for a nurse if she needs anything. If she gets sick, there's a bin there on the counter. Take care."

"Thank you, sir." Brooke sighed and turned back to Peyton as the doctor left the room. "Okay, P. Sawyer. Why won't you look at me?"

Peyton coughed roughly and peeked her eyes open again. She was barely able to wheeze out the words "too bright" before she coughed again. Brooke went over to the light switch and adjusted the lights in the room, making it dimmer for her.

"C'mon now, P. You can do it."

Peyton slowly opened her eyes and blinked several times before finally keeping them focused on Brooke.

"Hey buddy." She croaked.

"There's my best friend." Brooke smiled down at her and played with her hair. "Now you and me are gonna have a little talk, but it's going to have to wait because there someone who's been begging to see you."

"Luke?"

"You got it. He should be here soon."

As if on queue, Karen knocked on the door and walked in wheeling Lucas right after Brooke had finished speaking.

"Peyton, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Karen asked, leaving Luke in the middle of the room and rushing to Peyton's bedside.

"Awful. My head hurts." Peyton had resorted to whispering because of her sore throat. She had been trying to keep her eyes squeezed shut to block out the light to help her head, which was also an excuse for her not to make eye contact with anyone.

"You poor thing. Do you need anything?" Karen fussed over the skinny blonde as she spoke; poking at her pillows and adjusting her blanket.

"Karen, I'm okay, really. You don't need to fuss over me like this." She croaked out roughly.

"Well no offense, but you sound awful. Let me at least get you some water."

Karen walked over to the sink at the side of the room and fixed her a cup of water. Peyton gratefully took it and gulped it down.

"Not so fast, you're going to make yourself sick!" Karen chuckled, taking the cup away from her.

"I want to go back to sleep." Peyton was trying so hard to sound neutral and emotionless, but on the inside she just wanted to fall apart. She was overwhelmed with everything. She hated that Karen, and Brooke were fussing over her, and that Lucas was just sitting there in the middle of the room staring her down. She wanted all the attention to be away from her, and she felt bad that she was taking it away from Lucas, who's he believed was much more deserving. Peyton desperately wanted to be alone, but she knew that by asking for that, she would hurt their feelings. She glanced at the three others in the room, hoping that they'd understand and leave her alone.

Lucas and Peyton made eye contact for a split second, and he instantly knew what she needed.

"Mom, Brooke, could I have a word with Peyton please?" Lucas asked, never taking his eyes of of his anxious girlfriend.

"Of course, Lucas. We'll go get a bite to eat in the cafeteria, do you want anything?" Karen glanced concerned between the two blondes, watching as both shook their heads and declined her offer. Karen sighed and quietly followed Brooke out of the room.

Once they were gone, Peyton broke down. She just laid there and cried, wanting desperately for Lucas to come and hold her and make everything better. She felt like a baby, but she couldn't help it.

"I'm so sorry, Lucas. It's just- I thought-"

"Shh." Lucas got up from his wheelchair and walked over to her bedside. He sat carefully on the side, prompting her to scoot over. Once she did, he slid down to lay beside her, and held her. "Peyton, it's going to be okay. Please just tell me why."

"Why? Because everything is just piling up, one problem after another. Because everyone I love leaves me somehow, and I'm starting to think that I'm the reason- I dont know, that I'm bad luck or something. And because, Lucas, I was stupid and looking for a way out. I don't want to be here anymore."

"Peyton, that's ridiculous! I want you here!"

"I thought you were going to die, Luke."

"You know what? I haven told anyone yet, but I saw Keith when I was unconscious-"

"What?"

"Just listen: I saw Keith, and he showed me what the world would be like if I was a lesser person. He also showed me what the world would be like if I died. I saw you, and I realized that I never got to tell you that I loved you. You kept me alive, Peyton. I need you."

"You love me?" She peered up at him nervously to find him gazing down at her, his intense blue stare burning into her.

"I love you, Peyton Elisabeth Sawyer. You're my angel."

The biggest smile Lucas had ever seen on her spread across her pretty face. Her eyes lit up and she looked immensely happy. Lucas loved how gorgeous she looked when she was happy. He couldn't help himself; he leaned toward her and gently kissed the tip of her nose.

"I love you too, more than you know. More than anything." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she leaned up and kissed his lips

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**Pleas let me know what you think! I can continue it if that's requested. Reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Sorry it's so short, and that it took so long._**

**_disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill _**

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Ch 2

Karen and Brooke allowed for Lucas and Peyton to be alone for about 20 minutes before they both let their worry get the best of them.

"We should head back," Karen sighed. She didn't want to intrude on the young couple's most likely emotional reconnection, but she had a son who was recovering from a heart attack, and she didn't feel comfortable being away from him for long.

"I was thinking the same thing," Brooke sighed, looking at the floor. Karen knew exactly what was on her mind:

"Brooke honey, It's going to be really hard on Peyton for a while and I know it's going to be difficult for you as well, but she's your best friend, and even though you two have been fighting you need to be there for her."

"I know Karen," Brooke couldn't stop the tears that followed, "It's just, I don't know what to say to her! I need to help her, and to help her I need to talk with her and find out why she did it. I don't know if I'm ready to have that conversation."

"Oh, Brooke," Karen wrapped an arm around Brooke as they headed down the hall, "I'll stay with you if you want?"

"No, thank you, Karen but I think this is something between Peyton and me."

"I understand. If you need anything, you know where I'm at."

"Thank you Karen. I'll let you know what happens."

The two women reached the large white door to Peyton's room and knocked before entering, not wanting to startle the patients inside.

They were both surprised to find Lucas and Peyton snuggled comfortably together on the bed. Peyton's head was nestled into Lucas's shoulder and he had a goofy grin on his face as he gazed down at her. She had her eyes closed and a peaceful smile on her face.

"Lucas," Karen cleared her throat, "I believe it's time for some rest."

"I'm good resting right here, Ma."

"Lucas-"

"Lucas I need a word with Peyton," Brooke interrupted, "I'll come get you in a bit. I promise."

The smile on Peyton's face faded away and Lucas cautiously stood. He turned and kissed her forehead before following his mom out the door.

Peyton's eyes never left his retreating form until he was no longer visible through the little window. She then turned her attention to Brooke, fidgeting nervously as she was met with Brooke's intense stare.

"What happened, P. sawyer?" Brooke sighed, collapsing into a chair.

"Brooke… I'm so sorry."

"Yeah well sorry doesn't cut it." Brooke snapped, glaring at Peyton with an intensity that scared both girls.

"Brooke!" Peyton propped herself up on her elbows, gazing up at her best friend with tears brimming in her eyes.

"No Peyton," Brooke was standing now, angrily staring Peyton down, tears pouring from her eyes, "I found you on the bathroom floor. I found you lying in your own blood and vomit. I sat with you for 10 minutes not knowing whether or not the paramedics would make it on time, whether or not you were going to die there in my arms. Yeah, Peyton. I thought you were going to die! And you did! You were dead for three fucking minutes, and I almost lost my best friend because of your one selfish decision! God, I didn't even know you were using again." Brooke hung her head in her hands and collapsed back into the chair, trying to hide her tears.

"Well Brooke, you haven't exactly been there for me have you?" Peyton said in a low voice, anger clouding her judgement.

"Wha-"

"First of all, I'm not using again. I never really was consistently using. Second of all, why do you even care if I died? It seemed like I wasn't important to you anyway."

"Oh my god, Peyton I care! Why do you think I was so mad when you said you had feelings for Lucas? You're still my best friend, even if you are a cheating whore."

"Leave."

"What-"

"You heard me. Leave." Peyton was glaring down at the blanket. She wasn't up for a conversation with Brooke if she was only going to be called names.

"I'm not leaving until I find out why you did it." Brooke scooted her chair closer to Peyton and placed a hand on her trembling arm. Peyton kept her gaze turned away from Brooke, refusing to let her see the tears bubbling up in her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry I called you a whore," Brooke sighed, "I'm sorry I wasn't understanding when you came to me about Lucas. I guess it was better for you to tell me about it. Most of all I'm sorry that I let our relationship get ruined over a boy… I know I promised I wouldn't let that happen. But, P. Sawyer, you need to tell me why you tried to kill yourself last night." Peyton flinched at the words: her anxiety was quickly increasing and she wasn't sure if she could handle this conversation.

"So let me get this straight. It takes a cocaine overdose for you to forgive me?" Peyton could feel herself on the edge of an emotional breakdown, but she wasn't trusting enough to let Brooke see her like that yet. Not while their relationship was so broken. She was shaking and fighting back tears, barely being able to breathe. She desperately wanted to be left alone, but at the same time, she wanted Brooke to fight for her and be her friend again.

"No. It took a cocaine overdose to make me realize that life is too short to hold grudges. Life is too short to be angry at you, because you're my best friend and I guess I've always known that you've liked Lucas and I was really stupid for ignoring that. It was unfair to both of us. You are way too important to me for me to act like this. Please, please, please Peyton. Let me be there for you, but you have to tell me the truth of why you did this."

"The truth would hurt you, Brooke." Peyton whispered, looking away. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she held her breath waiting for a response.

"I deserve it. I can take it, just tell me."

Peyton sat up and looked into Brooke's eyes, knowing that what she was about to say would break her best friend's heart.

"You told me that my 'I love you's send people to their graves. You said that if someone loved me they were going to die. You made fun of my mom's death, Brooke. You knew her, you cried with me when she died, and then you use her as the punch line for a joke to hurt me. It hurt, it did, and I don't know what to think anymore. I guess last night I just decided that you were right and that I needed to stop being peoples' angel of death."

"Oh, honey I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. You're not an angel of death, and I am so sorry that I made you think that way. I was just so angry-" Brooke choked on her tears for a moment before continuing; "I let that get the best of me and my worst self came out. I am so, so sorry that I made you feel like you shouldn't- couldn't be here anymore."

"But that's not all," Peyton sobbed, "Everything is just piling up and I just can't do it anymore Brooke! I feel all alone! The second I'm happy something or someone take that away from me, or I fuck up! Just in the last year: Someone calls me a dyke, I fuck up and do cocaine, my second mom dies, I get lied to and attacked by a psycho-cyber-stalker, my real brother leaves for war, and through it all my dad is an absentee, and my best friend hates me. I can't do this anymore, I just can't, Brooke." Peyton had finally lost it. She couldn't keep away the sobs of misery from tearing out of her chest. She pulled the blankets up and hid her face in them, hugging her knees to her chest. It was a long, anxiety filled moment before Brooke responded:

"I'm sorry, P. I know it's been hard, but I'm here for you now, okay? You are not alone. I'm so, so sorry." Brooke cried softly through her own sobs, as she rubbed Peyton's arm, watching her and waiting for a response.

Peyton had looked away, not saying a word. She wanted so badly for things to be back to normal, but would that ever happen? The girls sat there for almost five minutes in silence. The only sounds were their sniffles. Brooke kept her hand on Peyton's arm, gently rubbing her hand up and down occasionally, hoping for some sort of response. Finally, Brooke decided to close the conversation.

"Listen Peyton, I dont know if you can forgive me for anything that I've done to you, but I'm over all this stupid teenage drama love-triangle stuff. I forgive you, and I really really hope you can forgive me. I am so sorry. You're my best friend and you always will be, okay? You can talk to me about anything. If you need me, I'll be here. No more cutting each other off for boys, okay?"

"Hoes over bros?" Peyton finally whimpered, glancing up at her best friend with a watery smile.

"Hoes over bros."

Brooke and Peyton both grinned, they both felt as though a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They embraced in a tight, loving, long-overdue hug that both of them really needed, and they both broke down together, letting out all the pent up emotion and stress: Something they both desperately needed to do.

* * *

**_Let me know what you think! I'd really like to know what y'all think of my writing and what I need to improve on. I appreciate it,_**

**_thanks_**.


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